just so i can rant and also have a convenient spot to link to

in short: the mario movie triggered me.

and because the mario movie triggered me, it's really difficult for me to be objective about it...

trigger warning: there's a physical abuse (textbook) played for laughs in the movie. so. that was unfun! if that's a trigger for you, and you haven't seen the movie yet, i would steer clear. i would steer clear of the galaxy movie, too, because i can't trust like that


in medium: i have ONE (1) trigger and it's physical abuse(/domestic violence overlap) and in hindsight it's kind of crazy that the mario movie for kids had a joke in it that could be boiled down to "haha hurting your subordinates because you're evil is funny and also so normal so it's okay to laugh at it."

((the monkey's paw curled, also. i said surely the sonic 3 movie couldn't let me down as badly as the mario movie did. and then what did the sonic 3 movie have? slapstick section where gerald spanks eggman for being a bad grandson. because bad grandsons get spankings. haha so normal to punish your children by spanking them. haha so funny. NOT!!!!!! this is also my trigger.))


in long:

so. like. 

there's a scene in the movie where bowser and kamek play piano together for a little bit, genuinely it's a really cute bonding moment between them, they do a little jam together while kamek gives bowser updates on their scheme.

fandom context: kamek is basically bowser's dad. like. in the mario & luigi series and also the yoshi series. that is bowser's dad. bowser outranks him because bowser is king and also kamek spoils him rotten and will let him do anything. so this was BONUS cute to see, as a diehard mario fan, because, wow!!! wow!!! cute family moment!!! they have a little jam sesh together!!! kamek probably taught bowser to play piano!!! fun!!!!

and then kamek says something that pisses bowser off, and bowser slams the piano lid closed on kamek's fingers.

had it been THIS ALONE, it probably wouldn't have even got me. i don't mind a little violent slapstick, and that alone honestly got a chuckle out of me. but that isn't where the scene ends.

they keep talking or maybe they argue (this part is a blur to me and for my own mental health i have not watched the movie a second time) and then we get to the closing joke of the scene: kamek asks "can i lift the lid now, sire?" and bowser says "no. i'm still mad. and hey, a little pain builds character."

insert horrified record scratch here. 

hey: what. hey: what. 

the whole point of the slapstick being funny was that you probably assumed kamek got his fingers out of there right away, right? you could play with his fingers being stuck if you wanted, like if you were looney tunes, but... what do you mean kamek left his fingers smashed in the piano? what do you mean he's asking bowser for permission to unjam his fingers? what do you mean bowser can just SAY NO and presumably KAMEK LISTENS??? hey, sorry, with two lines you have just implied that 1) bowser hurting kamek is a regular form of "punishment" 2) that because it is "punishment" kamek has to get the ok for it to be over?!??!??!?? 3) THAT'S BOWSER'S FUCKING DAD? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE TREATS HIS DAD LIKE THIS???? 4) EVEN IF THAT'S NOT HIS DAD THAT'S HIS TRUSTED ADVISOR, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE TREATS HIS ADVISOR LIKE THIS???? 5) """A LITTLE PAIN BUILDS CHARACTER"""? HUH? HUH? OH SO YOU'RE JUST GOING TO MAKE BOWSER SAY THE THING THAT EVERY TOXIC MASCULINITY FATHER HAS TOLD THEIR HURTING CHILD? ??? YOU'RE G OING TO PLAY THAT ONE JUST STRAIGHT AND EXPECT ME TO LAUGH AT IT BECUASE HAHA FUNNY??????????? NO???????????????? I WONT??????????

i spent the rest of the movie trembling in rage, btw. but i didn't clock that was what had got me so bad until after the bus-ride home and halfway through writing my 8000 word post about the things about the movie that disappointed me (read that here, if you want, i talk about things that aren't the joke that triggered me)

and i think the most infurating thing about it is. once again. this is the mario movie. for children. this is a beloved franchise that is primarily aimed at children. i'm not here saying that it can't have some dark stuff in it, whatever, graphically rip off luigi's mustache, fine, the luma can joke about the end of the world, whatever. but playing STRAIGHT UP ABUSE as a funny joke um. you are just normalizing it i think??? because when you are supposed to laugh at bowser telling kamek that a little pain builds chcaracter that means it's funny and normal for your dad to say it to you. that means it's funny and normal if your dad is hurting you. you know? YOU KNOW????

and maybe it got by because bowser is hurting kamek who is obviously older than him anyway but ELDER ABUSE IS STILL REAL???? and WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK ???????????????????????????

also there was no reason for THE MARIO MOVIE ft my beloved blorbos since i was old enough to EVEN HAVE FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, to have physical abuse in it at all, let alone play it AS A FUNNY JOKE??????? violent slapstick, sure, fine, normal. jokes about the end of the world and the inevitability of death? i hated the tone of it as presented in the movie but i would be a liar if i didn't say jokes like that popped up in super paper mario. but PHSYCIAL ABUSE? my ONE TRIGGER? in the movie ft my favorite franchise wehre i was pretty certain IT WOULDN'T SHOW UP???????????? meaning i got completely blindsided IN THE THEATER?!?????!??!???!?

like are you serious?!?!??????? 

i am still furious. i am absolutely incredulous. 

i can never trust a movie made by nintendo ever again.


anyway oh my god one day i will completely exorcise this from me. maybe today is that day.